Ex-boyfriend shows up after 2 years of no contact and "temporarily" drops his cat on his ex-girlfriend, 6 months later, the ex shows no signs of wanting the cat back and is refusing to participate in a $2000 vet bill

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Sep 2, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Adopting a cat together is one of the most wholesome things that you can do as a couple. We speak from experience - it brings the couple closer, it's a kind of simulation of what it would be like to take care of a kid together, it's something to love together. But it also comes with a whole heck of a lot of responsibilities. Like- a lot. It means worrying about something together, it means sharing the financial responsibilities together. And although no one thinks about it when they adopt said cat, all happy and ready to share a life together, it does mean that if things break apart between the couple, that some kind of shared "custody" must be agreed upon. 

Well, this couple did not think about that possibility, and unfortunately, things between them did not work out. So now what? Well, after two years of silence, the ex-boyfriend, who had custody of the cat, came and dropped it on the ex-girlfriend. She, kindly, took the kitty and has been taking care of it, on the condition that, if need be, he will help with vet bills. And now the bill has come due…

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  • 01

    "My ex-boyfriend dropped our cat at my door and won't pay the vet bills?"

    image of a gray cat in a box
    via Unsplash / John D - aaarr21

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    So to start off with a bit of back story. I 22F and my ex-bf 29M lived together in 2021-2023, when I was 19ish and he was 26ish (yes I know, this is not about the age gap) I already got had a cat, Scooter, before we moved in toegther.
    via cassiexgray
  • 03
    We got a cat, Chonks, and a dog, Bear during the relationship. When we separated in early 2023 (his choice) | took Bear and he took Chonks. Fast forward to start of 2025, this is where the story starts.
    via cassiexgray
  • 04
    He shows up at my house in Feb with Chonks in a cat box. He said he couldn't look after him anymore and asked if he could leave him with me. He had gotten into a rough spot and was living with his mum who is horribly allergic to cats, so Chonks was living in a van in the driveway, and had been for 2 months until he finally brought him to me. I had missed my cat, and I was in the position to take him in, so I said yes.
    via cassiexgray
  • 05
    We spoke about food and vet bills, he basically had no income and no savings, so I said I would cover the food and he said he would help with the vet bills if they came up.
    via cassiexgray
  • 06
    I should clarify, he said he wanted Chonks back once he got back on his feet. That me looking after him was going to be temporary, but I knew in the back of my head he was not going to come back for Chonks. He has barely messaged to check up on him over the last 6 months.
    via cassiexgray
  • 07
    Now it's August, Chonks needs surgery to get 4-5 teeth out, quoted anywhere between $1000-2000. I call ex-bf. He says he still isn't getting any work and is still living with his mum.
    via cassiexgray
  • 08
    His grandparents both passed away so he is grieving and that he does not have the money to pay for or help out with the surgery costs. I told him that he dumped this cat in my lap 6 months ago and said he would help with vet bills, and that it was supposed to be temporary. I am happy to keep Chonks forever, I love the little guy, but he needs to pitch in for the surgery. He asked me to send the details through and he will think about it, but he doesn't have much savings, and no steady income.
    via cassiexgray
  • 09
    I do understand that he is in a tough spot, but when we were together he had plenty of money and loved throwing it around. He was always awful with budgeting and saving so I don't have much sympathy for his money situation.
    via cassiexgray
  • 10
    I also understand that going through grief is awful, and that everyone has stuff going on, but so do I. I had to put my other cat down earlier this year (he was 15) and I have lost two grandparents over the last 2 years. I am working full time, and trying to save for my first home.
    via cassiexgray
  • 11
    I do have the funds, and I will pay for the surgery whether or not he chips in because Chonks needs it, but I think it is the bare minimum for him to help out. AITA for expecting him to help pay for the surgery?
    via cassiexgray
  • 12
    image of a beautiful cat in a box
    via Unsplash / Piotr Musioł - szamanm

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Honestly, whether this man pays for this bill or not, it sounds to us like the best place for this cat is with you, and we are honestly glad that, instead of keeping the poor baby in the truck from for another two months, he came to you. 

  • 13
    Bubbly_Chicken_9358 • 1d ago NTA, but he's not going to help. He abandoned the cat with you and at some point in the future will insist you took his cat, but otherwise he's not going to contribute. Thank your lucky stars that it's a cat and not a kid, because he would have done the same thing with a human.
    via Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • 14
    cassiexgray OP • 1d ago I was thinking about how awful it would be for a kid if this is how he treats a cat. You're 100% right.
    via cassiexgray
  • 15
    image of a black and white cat peeking from inside a box
    via Unsplash / Luku Muffin - luku_muffin

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Our only real concern is that, one day, he is going to come back for the cat. One day, he may demand it back, and that would be unacceptable. You cannot just abandon a family member like this and then return. We don't know if there is a way for you to do it, but you should 100% try to find out if you can take official ownership of the cat. 

  • 16
    • asurkhaib 1d ago NTA but only because he said he would help pay and that this was supposedly temporary. It sounds like you kinda knew neither of those were gonna happen and at a certain point it does become your cat, your bills.
    via asurkhaib
  • 17
    cassiexgray OP • 1d ago Yes, I understand I took on the responsibility of caring for him back in February, and I will pay the full bill 100% if need be, love the little guy, not going to let him suffer. I guess I was just hoping he would stick to his word. I told him over the phone that if he could help out, I wouldn't bother him again with any bills in the future.
    via cassiexgray
  • 18
    image of a gray cat in a box
    via Unsplash / 乐融 高 - glr0115

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Only-Breadfruit-6108 • 1d ago You're not for wanting him to pay but you keep saying that you know he's not going to, or able to, so you might be the AH for lying to yourself and expecting that it's going to happen
    via Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • 20
    cassiexgray OP • 1d ago Valid argument tbf. I guess I was just thinking the worst he could say is no, the best he could say is yes.
    via cassiexgray

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cat drama interesting ex boyfriend vet breakup Cats money
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